Yesterday was CGD&ST volunteer orientation and being at the campgrounds made me realize how amazing people can be. I've been around people who haven't be the nicest towards me - insults, jokes, lies. But when I got to see the people I share time with while there, I realized that some of the greatest people on earth volunteer and work for Camp Good Days. I drove down with Erin and Julie from International week and it was great to see them. The first person I saw when I got onto the campgrounds was Brian - which was amazing. I forgot how awesome he was, even if he did get me in trouble. Actually, I got me in trouble. It's horrible that he wont be volunteering during Alumni week. But he better sneak into that week. Because without him, it wont be the same. No intense swinging sessions at night. It just wont work.
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Lately, I just haven't been myself. Maybe it's because three years ago around this time, my dad left us. The actual day he told my mom was a couple days ago, three years ago. That day, I was in one of the worst moods of my life. I went for a drive and almost ran over a rabbit, got attacked by a bee while driving and got lost in cow town. That night, I went to look for the Solvay Geddes Express because my article got front page and I went all over town and couldn't find it and got another bloody nose on the way home while getting lost. Not a good time. I'm unhappy with my weight and it's getting to me heavily now. I need to lose weight. This isn't who I am. I saw Danny last night at Wal-Mart too and all of a sudden I couldn't help but think about everything that happened three years ago. How we were best friends, how we dated and how so much shit went down. Everything was just so dark and not good. Sure, now everything is much better, but the emotions stirring inside of me are not stable. I'm still not who I was before the separation. I still fake happy a lot and I still fear relapse. The mere fact that I think about my problem makes me realize that it's still there. That it hasn't dissapeared.
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Things on my mind:
-Okay, I miss Gregory. A lot. I want to go down and visit him in Georgia even if he doesn't want to see me. Because I need to see him.
-I probably wont have a job this summer. Except for writing articles for the Advocate.
-Brian NEEDS to go to USA Alumni week. End of story.
-I miss my friends from MCC. They became a part of me and now they're just gone. Part of me is missing.
-I miss singing. I've been singing a lot lately and I need to go to a Kareoke or try out for something. 20% of me misses band-geek Jenni-Graham.
-I'm afraid of relapse.
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