time of thought.

DOING A WORLD OF GOOD I was outstanding. Seriously, the most amazing week of my life. Words can't put a finger on how awesome this week was. From becoming close friends with the international kids to watching adults slide through mud puddles - everything was perfection. No one knows what it is like to be surrounded by individuals who are all at one place for one reason. Camp makes me whole. It fills me up with strength, hope and love for those suffering and those helping others stay alive. People do not understand the passion I have for this organization because they havn't lived it. Camp Good Days and Special Times is a reality outside of a reality. It's a place where everyone is 100% real, but in an atmosphere much unlike the one they are used to. I've been volunteering for 5 years now and I cannot see myself not being a part of this beautiful world.

Today my father came for a visit. It was the most emotional one yet. He wrote me a letter - pretty much expressing his thoughts since the divorce. It made my heart drop and really made me cry. It made me think about family and what it means to have a family that works. It seems that these days no one has a perfect family. Truthfully, perfection is merely impossible. However, the bumps in the road can make us stronger I guess. My father is someone who I see so much of myself in - sometimes scary and sometimes good. Yet, we all make mistakes and maybe it will take years to get over. But the emotion that remails, obvious or not, is love. No one can take that away.


"I wanna linger
a little longer
a little longer with you."

CAMP GOOD DAYS AND SPECIAL TIMES 08
miss&&love

an unforgotten tune.

she's riding horses through the night
with no one else in nearby sight
only fire flies and candle light
she only dreams to forget the fight.


I'm tired. I am always tired. It's strange being home. I've been home every weekend in July for either camp (by the way - DAWG I is next week =] ) or the garage party - which was excellant. However, being home makes me feel as if I'm in High School again and every morning when my sister and mom leave for their volleyball camp - I feel like I'm staying home sick like I did so many times in my past. I begin to look around the room and feel as if I'm in a cell and the same emotions come at me through the walls. It's scary. No one knows what I went through during those years - no one knows the details and the thoughts that attack me every day. I still feel the way I used to. Perhaps the feeling is a slightly different emotion, but it's still there and that's the problem.


I'm beginning to look at 4-year colleges and, again, I feel like I'm back in High School. I still feel hopeless, as if I'm not going to figure out where my life is taking me. However, I have been looking at a few different schools, but they're too expensive and private. It's annoying. If only I could either win the lotto or become famous over night, then everything would be perfect.

Yeah, we all wish.

a busy july.

Camp Good Days was terrific. It always is. Last week was USA Alumni - the week for parents or siblings of campers who had had cancer in the past. It's interesting, I actually heard a few stories that is usually unusual for that week. It's sad to hear stories of death or sickness, but it's good to know that children still have the heart to interact with others similar to them. CGD&ST is such a magnificant place and I cannot wait to go back at the end of July.

This weekend is the annual Garage Party - yes, it's finally here. I'm quite excited and ready to get away for another few days. I love being with my family and hearing about their school experiences and their relationships with others. It has always been difficult for Carly and I to go up and try to fit in with the Fessettes because of our distance. However, the family party allows that difficulty to usually dissapear and I hope that this weekend allows that.

So, I miss having someone to fall into the arms of. I miss being able to simply cuddle on the couch while watching a movie or laugh in bed before falling asleep. It may sound cheesy - but it's true. I feel as if I'm surrounded by couples - my roommate, my ex-roommate, my friends. It's hard because I begin to wonder what I've done wrong in the past and what I should to correct it. I don't know, but I guess all I can do is wait.