awaiting autumn.

So, Baltimore was amazing. It truly was a terrific time. I loved the area and having a new location to explore. It was good to spend time with my older brother as well as Carly and my dad. I will definately be going down there again sometime soon. Either to visit my brother or look at possible graduate schools - if I ever get that far!

I've narrowed my 4-year college interests down to three schools:
1) Utica College - Child Life Program, Early Childhood
2) SUNY Oneonta - Child and Family Studies, Early Childhood
3) Canisius College - Child and Community Services, Early Childhood

I will be going into talk with advisors soon to figure out if my classes will transfer to each school and if I should change anything to be able to get there. I'm nervous - going through the whole applying process again. I also don't like the idea that I will be away from everyone I met @ MCC. I've never gone somewhere totally by myself and that idea scares the shit out of me. I just hope I am ready and I hope I succeed.

I've started writing again! Finally. Slowly, I'm writing another book. I'm hoping this one keeps my interest longer than the last one. It's interesting and I like the characters that I've thought up. Here's a couple beginning paragraphs from the story I'm playing around with:

There were souvenir bottles of unopened wine. Picture frames, which carried the faces of those known forever and those known for a moment. Fading denim with frayed knees and pleated skirts with matching blouses hidden beneath a box flooding with crocheted scarves and socks ripped at the heal.
For a moment, all I could do was stare. I watched my hands as they carefully folded my pink and lavender bed sheets that would be in hibernation mode for the next few months; skeptically piling them up from the comforter to the pillowcases. I began to stand up my picture frames on the rug, tracing the faces of those known for only one year, but who would be remembered for eternity with the tip of my finger. Mary. Naomi. Trevor. They were names that were carved into the front of my mind.
My bedroom smelled of honey and oak and looked emptier then the summer before leaving to St. Merlin University. My desk was cleared of all pens and literature books and dust was left to sleep in its place. My closet was filled with old sweaters and t-shirts with black writing scribbled all over the back from summers spent at camp. It was sad to see myself growing up and even more frightening to see such little change.

utter of an update.

UPDATE:

Possible 4-year college interests:
- Oneonta - child and family studies
- Canisius - child, family and community studies
- Brockport - childhood inclusice/human education
- Geneseo - early childhood/childhood education

So, this has been a stressor. Where to go? Hopefully I will figure it out this Fall.


1) Baltimore, MD this weekend with my father and sister to visit my big brother. I'm pretty excited. Hopefully it will be a chance to clear my head and relax.

2) I have been on a puppy-craze lately. I WANT A PUPPY. I want to prove to my family that I am responsible enough to own another living thing on my own. I have been looking online and through craigslist.com. Everything is too expensive. But, I'm still looking.

3) Oh yea, I still have pneumonia.

4) I think Joe Jonas is beautiful. I just thought I'd let whoever is reading this know. Beautiful + sings + plays guitar + straight = perfection. okay, that's that.

5) I'm probably going to be going to Turkey to volunteer @ Losev May 2009. I'm quite excited!



Yup, that's that.

a summer without the glitter.

So far this summer I have had:
- Pink eye
- Sinus infection
- Pink eye again
- Eye infection
- and now I have PNEUMONIA.

I thought that last summer was bad with me dealing with Mono and surgery for my sinuses. Now, I don't even know what to expect. I know I shouldn't be complaining because there are people much, much more worse off then me - like those sick with cancer. However, I keep asking myself, 'how much more of this will I be able to endure?'

Sometimes I look at myself and the mirror and feel ill. I don't like who I am and do not like who I am becoming. Sometimes I feel sick, dirty and disgusted when I look at myself because I know what I've put myself through is wrong. I want to change, but change is an obsticle that many have a hard time climbing. I always tell myself I need to do something to better my lifestyle - but I'm so lazy and forgetful that it always gets pushed to the side. I want to work out and make my health and body better. I want to stop drinking as much and making decisions I will dislike in the future. This summer has been different. I'm happy with myself because my social drinking has gone down. I'm thinking that's a good thing because now it is time to concentrate on what is in front of me so I wont fall back. But I don't even know what my future looks like. There is so much I want to do, but it will take so much time to get there. I NEED to go back to seeing a therapis weekly. That's for sure. I feel like I'm falling back and I do not like that - it scares me.

I'm still going to try to talk to Gonca, the turkish counselor from CGD & ST, and see if I could volunteer at their foundation in Turkey. I think that seeing a different lifestyle with different people and different rules would change me for the better. It would open my eyes to a world I've never been able to witness. I'd love that.