death is unfair.

A website you must watch:

Documentary on Teenage Cancer in Rochester. Angela O'Laskey is the first patient interviewed and talked with. I recognized other familliar faces from Camp Good Days.

http://www.13wham.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=186887@video.wokr13.com&navCatId=300

Even though it has been weeks since Angela's death - it really became real to me today in two ways. 1) My camper Taisey called and I had to tell her the news. She told me how Angela had helped her with her make-up and helped her grab the attention of the counselor she adored by using some of Angela's dance moves. She said that she knew that after camp Angela would have to go back to the hospital because her port was still intact. However, Taisey never imagined that Angela would die. 2) The documentary above was shot over the past year during Angela's fight with cancer. It shows her without hair, with her wig, at school and with her friends - acting like any normal teenager would. And then - she is gone.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and talk to her about some things I wanted to discuss with her. Some aspects of our life that were connected not just because of our cancerous pasts. I don't understand death. Why am I alive and she isn't? Why did a one-year-old child get diognosed with cancer and survive and how come a 14-year-old dies from it? Nothing makes sense. I wish I could go to Strong Memorial Hospital and talk to some of the teenagers and children about cancer and just be their friend and make them stronger. I don't know how much I would help - but just knowing I had tried to change someones life would make not only myself stronger, but hopefully the child in pain as well.

Death is unfair. I don't understand it and truthfully... I probably never will.

Rest in Peace Angela O'Laskey.

the good and the bad

The past week has been quite difficult. From dealing with Angela's death to classes and tests to just being emotionally drained - it hasn't been too easy.

Tonight my father came to Rochester and brought me to Olive Garden. When we were sitting there, I witnessed the most irritating visual I have ever seen: a father, mother and approximately 10-year-old daughter were sitting eating and obviously the father had had too much wine already. He looked like an alcoholic if you looked at him. Then, out of no where, he began to scream and shout at his wife saying statements like, "you're the shittiest wife anyone could have" and "you only care about your damn self." He was so loud; flaunting his arms and standing up and moving around. We all tried to not watch and listen to them - but it was pretty hard not to notice. The saddest part of it all was the daughter - just sitting there and watching it all happen. First of all, I hate seeing families fight and it brought my mind back to when my parents would fight. They never did what this couple had done - but it was still frustrating. I asked my dad if I could go say something, because I couldn't stand the fact that he would do this in front of his daughter. Obviously I didn't say anything. I wish I had. It's just depressing that someone would do that not only at a nice restaurant, but in front of their own child. It's disgusting.

My dad had sent money to St. Jude's Hospital a month of so back and they always send back papers thanking the doner and a photo of a child going through treatment. Ironically, the child's photo and description that he recieved was one of a boy with Neuroblastoma - what I had. My dad gave me the photo and it is hanging under a picture of Angela on my mirror. Also, my dad and I are looking into a self publishing group called Author Publishing Experts. It would give me 25 copies of my book for not too bad of a cost. I would do anything for this; even though it would mean intense editing for the next month. He said he would give it to me for Christmas and pay for it. Perfect. To be able to hold the book I wrote in my hand, completely binded and written in novel form would be priceless and everything I have worked toward.

I have a crush. I'm afraid to pursue it, but I want to so badly. I guess, especially after witnessing the family feud at Olive Garden, I'm still nervous to even think about a relationship. But I'll take it day to day. If he is truly interested - he will try too. If he tried - I will try back. Simple as that.



Rest In Peace Angela O'Laskey
"Belief makes things real.
Makes things feel, feel alright."

Cancer.

R.I.P Angela O'Laskey

If it weren't for your week at Camp Good Days and Special Times I never would have been able to meet one of the most beautiful and strongest teenagers known. I know you're watching down on us from heaven and you will never be forgotten. Cancer is a horrible disease and some of us get lucky - and some do not. But when you're in heaven - you will meet Teddy Mervis and make sure to thank her for being the reason that Camp Good Days began.

You are an amazing person and your beauty will always be remembered and recognized. I love you and will miss seeing your smile and hearing your laugh at Camp Good Days this summer. But I know that you will be there in spirit, swinging on the playground and sitting in the Ring of Honor. Angela, thank you for the time you spend on Earth and it will never be forgotten.

Angela O'Laskey passed away on Sunday September 30th 2007 after suffering through Ewing's Sarcoma - a cancerous tumor - since January of this year. Please keep her in your prayers and remember to support the charities trying to find cures for cancer. I was lucky enough to survive this deadly disease - but some are not. Rest in peace, Angela. You are, were and always will be loved.

'An adventure into Borders'

Today my alarm didn't go off. It's funny because some people would be happy that they missed class and a meeting to fall asleep for a longer period of time. I was not one of those individuals. I felt like a horrible person and student and felt lazy because I had nothing truly on my plate for the rest of the day. So after emailing my teacher and gathering my laptop, Second Glance by Jodi Picoult and my notebook for Art History - I drove to Borders to feel a little useful.

When I entered the building, I felt the need to wonder. I hadn't been alone in the bookstore for a while now and wanted to look at the newest novels and read a little bit about them. It's kind of funny, being and up and coming writer, because I find it fascinating to merely look at the cover of a book, see the publisher, read the first sentence and set it down. It gives me a little bit of a heads up for my own inner author. The cover gives me an idea for my future illustrator. The publisher allows me to see who the most popular one for the time being is and if they would ever give my book a chance. The first sentence is the most important part; it allows me to compare the first statement of the random novel to my own and see if they both equally attract attention. Sometimes I got irritated - reading sentences that were of no interest at all yet got published. I continue to hope that my books will be recognized and the only thing I need now is the energy and hope that I can keep pressing on.

A small statement from page 86 of A Separation of Heart:
As the two of them began to dive into their dinners, Lylie couldn’t stop thinking about the memories she had just flown back into. Times of trial and times of regret. Yet, throughout those difficult moments – she had been able to dig out a memory of goodness.
Something she had been hoping she still had left.