the good and the bad

The past week has been quite difficult. From dealing with Angela's death to classes and tests to just being emotionally drained - it hasn't been too easy.

Tonight my father came to Rochester and brought me to Olive Garden. When we were sitting there, I witnessed the most irritating visual I have ever seen: a father, mother and approximately 10-year-old daughter were sitting eating and obviously the father had had too much wine already. He looked like an alcoholic if you looked at him. Then, out of no where, he began to scream and shout at his wife saying statements like, "you're the shittiest wife anyone could have" and "you only care about your damn self." He was so loud; flaunting his arms and standing up and moving around. We all tried to not watch and listen to them - but it was pretty hard not to notice. The saddest part of it all was the daughter - just sitting there and watching it all happen. First of all, I hate seeing families fight and it brought my mind back to when my parents would fight. They never did what this couple had done - but it was still frustrating. I asked my dad if I could go say something, because I couldn't stand the fact that he would do this in front of his daughter. Obviously I didn't say anything. I wish I had. It's just depressing that someone would do that not only at a nice restaurant, but in front of their own child. It's disgusting.

My dad had sent money to St. Jude's Hospital a month of so back and they always send back papers thanking the doner and a photo of a child going through treatment. Ironically, the child's photo and description that he recieved was one of a boy with Neuroblastoma - what I had. My dad gave me the photo and it is hanging under a picture of Angela on my mirror. Also, my dad and I are looking into a self publishing group called Author Publishing Experts. It would give me 25 copies of my book for not too bad of a cost. I would do anything for this; even though it would mean intense editing for the next month. He said he would give it to me for Christmas and pay for it. Perfect. To be able to hold the book I wrote in my hand, completely binded and written in novel form would be priceless and everything I have worked toward.

I have a crush. I'm afraid to pursue it, but I want to so badly. I guess, especially after witnessing the family feud at Olive Garden, I'm still nervous to even think about a relationship. But I'll take it day to day. If he is truly interested - he will try too. If he tried - I will try back. Simple as that.



Rest In Peace Angela O'Laskey
"Belief makes things real.
Makes things feel, feel alright."