days of dashboard

I've gone back to the days of Dashboard
It's sad I could fall so fast
It's the sadness that everyone tries to ignore
And that sadness really never goes away
You can feel it in your veins
Nesting its stay until the day you perish
And who knows when that day may come
Because all of our lives are tragedies
They lead and end in death

his name was john.

It's funny how the end of an era can come a few years after a popular television show has already ended the series. Sex and the City became my new favorite television show during my freshman near at college. After my friends and I began having S.A.T.C. nights, I automatically became addicted. I became addicted not because of the interesting sexual inuendos, but the relationship that four very different females seemed to have with one another. They were able to share their deepest and most off limits secrets with one another about guys, sex and their daily lives. Also, each of the girls had something about them which made them relatable to the single female.

Tonight I finally watched the last episode of the series and began to cry. Everything seemed to fit into place perfectly and the missing puzzle pieces were found. It made me feel like it wasn't only the end of an era, but the beginning of my own version of Sex and the City. I still haven't watched every episode recorded - but believe me, that will be done.

Sex and the City is not only about strange relationships and sexual mishaps, it's about life and how society portrays women differently from men. Society makes it seem like men are the only ones who talk about sex and relationships when really women talk about it just as much or more. We get into the topics that men would fear discuss because we have that comfort among our friends. This show was about the relationship among four different individuals and how they made it through suffering, broken hearts and frustrating times together - never apart.

one broken family equals a dozen more to come.

What happened to the days when you looked forward to coming home from college to spend time with the family that loves you? The family that smiles as you walk in the door, surprising you with hugs and compliments about how great you look or how happy they are to have you home.

That image is only a myth, an imaginary truth that so many continue to believe is real. I used to always think that my family was perfect but after the divorce - everything seemed to scatter and rip at the seams. It's been three years since my family separated - leaving me to pretend my world was just as great as it had been before it fell apart. It will never be the way it was before my junior year. Now I have a father who plays the guilt trip on his daughters every time he wants to spend time with us. I have a sister who continuously bashs my lifestyle, my goals and the way I am because she feels that it is okay to throw her anger at the one person who falls apart everytime she does so. And I have a mother, the one person who has kept me alive through out the last years. If it wasn't for her sense of understanding, I would probably be dead or in a pych ward. No one knows what I've gone through and what I still am struggling to overcome. Lately, I feel as if my family is the one thing I fear when really it's the one thing want back. Maybe not in the same sense as I had it three years ago - but something a little happier, a little bit calmer and definately relaxed.

So when I come home for vacations, I may hear the occasional you look great from one person: my mother. My father will discuss his own busy life as I sit back and listen and my sister will barely talk to me unless she has a friend alongside her. I do have my friends though, most who are away for vacation. But I do know that when I go back to school for the spring semester, I may miss being home, but I'll have my friends shoulders to cry on.