"Black and stopped as a dead baby."

"To the person in the bell jar, black and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is a bad dream." - The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath.

It's funny how things change over time. When I was younger, in Elementary and Middle School, I would try my best not to finish a novel because I wanted the sensation to last - I would never want the story to end. So I would read as much as I could and then read it over, in hopes that I wouldn't finish the book and end the journey. Now, I want to read as much as I can to gain as much from the novel as possible. I'm still a slow reader, and always will be, but I enjoy it to the fullest. I don't stretch out the time reading it just so the story will never end, for the story wont end once it's over. That's what's so great about writing, whether the book is still being read or hasn't been for years, a good story will never die. For example, The Bell Jar. That story tells messages that will never be forgotten. Like every novel written by Jodi Picoult - nothing will fly with the wind.

CHANGE OF HEART BY JODI PICOULT will be out in stores MARCH 4TH.

Sylvia Plath, how i adore you so.

I have been either too busy or too sick to do anything for myself lately. So lately, I have been readng a chapter from The Bell Jar every night. I just came across this section and it made me think about something:

"I had always looked down on my mother's college, as it was coed, and filled with people who couldn't get scholarships to the big eastern colleges.
Now I saw that the stupidest person at my mother's college knew more than I did. I saw they wouldn't even let me in through the door, let alone give me a scholarship like the one I had at my own college." - The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath - page 125

That section of the novel made me think about community colleges versus universities and state schools. Everyone constantly looks down at community colleges only because most of the people who want to go there are enrolled. However, even back in the 1930's, people still looked down at schools that weren't as known for academics but for the availability of the student body. In the section above, it proves that those at community colleges work their asses off to the point that some people from other colleges couldn't even keep up with the presented work. Every college has the same presented idea: work hard, do your best and enjoy the time spent. That's it; hands down.

a natural sickness

So of course I continue to get sick. I've had an ongoing cold/sinus infection since September (right after the surgery to help my sinuses). So, I try my best to survive - by downing tylenol and sudafed or whatever you call it. I'm beginning to think the surgery made everything worse. I will continue to believe that statment until proved otherwise.

This past week has made me believe that there are no such thing as nice men. Guys have absolutely no care in the world except for where they put their dick. Excuse my french. While girls begin to have emotional connections, guys only want sex and that just makes them all jerks. Come on, we've known this for the longest time. A friend of the family once told me that all guys are jerks: there are good jerks and bad jerks. I agree 100% with that statement and will quote it until the day I perish. But I am sick of being attracted to bad jerks. I always go for the kind of guy who will put me down or step all over me. When will I realize my problem and change? It's hard to change a way of attraction when its been there all of your life.

So I'm still having major writers block. I'm on around page 120 of A Separation of Heart and it's so far an above average piece of prose. However, I want something phenomonal - and I know that I can do that. I need to stop and think about where this book is going and how it is going to end. Usually the characters take the story in their own direction. I guess they have been napping and forgot where they were to begin with.

Well, I love my friends and I love my mom. I love my classes and I love eating. I hate working out and I hate winter weather. I hate not knowing where I'm going after MCC and I hate always being tired. I guess life is just full of 'I loves' and 'I hates."