kaleidoscope eyes.

You're the song that I sing out of tune.
You're the silver star beside a golden moon.
Sometimes I fall then you fall too.
But if you help me up I'll know this feeling's true.


I've pretty much become my own worst enemy. Perhaps this is just how I see myself at times, but I believe it to be a fact. I feel that everyone I enjoy the company of, I push away unintentionally. Maybe this is just because I can't trust anyone, men mostly, and I need to squint a little bit to see the situtation clearer. I get nervous, paranoid and anxious when in truth all I need to do is relax. So I lead myself to a dead end, a black hole, a brick wall. I end up in a place that is impossible to get out of.

Again, I am unable to write. Well, I am able to write, but my brain thinks other wise. I don't know why I can't just open up my novel and continue to create it. It's such a well written piece of prose and it kills me that I am having trouble with its continuation. It's probably all this stress getting to me: roommates, my sister, classes, men and keeping myself sane and together when all I want to do is fall apart. I guess everyone feels this way from time to time. I just want to know why I'm still feeling this everyday.