My big brother, Matthew Graham, had a stroke Thursday morning. After being brought to the hospital, cancer was found in his arm, his lungs, his abdomen and his brain. After hearing this news, I raced home and we all left for Baltimore Friday morning. No one saw this coming. My brother is the most intelligent, strongest, couragous and thoughtful person I know. The fact that this is happening to him is absolutely unthought of.
Seeing him Friday for the first time was horrid. I had to wait a moment to go in and see him. There were tubes everywhere and he was unstable - not breathing on his own. The doctors say that he will need a miracle to get feeling back on the left side of his body (due to the stroke and the tumor over his brain stem). However, it will also take a miracle to get him healthy again.
My brother has always been my hero and the fact that he is this way makes me wonder why bad things happen to such wonderful people. Matt is strong and I KNOW he will fight this. He is stubborn and the fact that everyone has seen him so helpless must be killing him. He can hear us, but cannot respond with his voice. Right now, he can only use his right hand or head movement. Which, I believe - is more than the doctors expected for him to be doing at this time.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
rollin' with the punches.
So my Birthday party was this weekend. Could have been better, to tell you the truth. I was so excited for it and so many people showed up - all of this made me so happy. But then the fights started and then the stealing started and it all went downhill from there. I've never been that tough, so confrontations bring me way down. I can't deal with them. I need to learn to be stronger and put my foot down. I'm sick of being stepped on.
MCC started up again. So far, I don't mind my classes. My Lit class is actually my favorite. I love to discuss the stories we read and the professor has already said some great things about me. I think it's going to make my writers block go away - or so I'm hoping. My History of Rock and Roll class is also phenomenal. It's so interesting and we just sit there and listen to music. It's relaxing. My Biology class makes me want to puke though. I hate it. It's not interesting and the professor goes through the lecture so quickly that I can barely take notes. My Sign Language class is so entertaining! The professor is deaf so we really have to try to learn the motions and expressions. I'm catching on quickly so that makes me feel good.
Today I had a breakdown. Every little thing was bothering me and it all just made me explode. Seeing my family was good, however. Yet, Carly worries me. She has no idea how much I love her and I'm so scared she is going to get sicker and sicker. I don't like that idea and I do not want her to dissapear because on this rate she might. I'm having issues with my living situation. That's all I will say. As I said above, I don't liketo be stepped on. Also, the whole 4-year college situation is always on the back of my mind. I don't like the idea of living in debt and there are some people in Rochester that I do not want to leave. Right now, Keuka is my #1 school and I hope it works out. It would be simply ideal.
she's as light as a feather
but as heavy as a stone
a stone in water - pushing away the waves
they always find their way
back to her.
MCC started up again. So far, I don't mind my classes. My Lit class is actually my favorite. I love to discuss the stories we read and the professor has already said some great things about me. I think it's going to make my writers block go away - or so I'm hoping. My History of Rock and Roll class is also phenomenal. It's so interesting and we just sit there and listen to music. It's relaxing. My Biology class makes me want to puke though. I hate it. It's not interesting and the professor goes through the lecture so quickly that I can barely take notes. My Sign Language class is so entertaining! The professor is deaf so we really have to try to learn the motions and expressions. I'm catching on quickly so that makes me feel good.
Today I had a breakdown. Every little thing was bothering me and it all just made me explode. Seeing my family was good, however. Yet, Carly worries me. She has no idea how much I love her and I'm so scared she is going to get sicker and sicker. I don't like that idea and I do not want her to dissapear because on this rate she might. I'm having issues with my living situation. That's all I will say. As I said above, I don't liketo be stepped on. Also, the whole 4-year college situation is always on the back of my mind. I don't like the idea of living in debt and there are some people in Rochester that I do not want to leave. Right now, Keuka is my #1 school and I hope it works out. It would be simply ideal.
she's as light as a feather
but as heavy as a stone
a stone in water - pushing away the waves
they always find their way
back to her.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
death and thought
RIP MIKE WRIGHT
You will be missed and always remain loved.
You were a survivor and a fighter - one who will never be forgotten.
A blurb from Erin and my conversation about Camp Good Days after hearing about the death of our fellow CGD volunteer:
gOOdie637 (12:04:11 AM): yeah just like the fact that they had cancer and were touched by the same people at camp makes it all interconnected
jenni jenni 014 (12:04:41 AM): exactly. we're like all connected because someone knew someone who knew someone who was sick. alive or not. i miss that place
gOOdie637 (12:05:42 AM): exactly. me too
So on that note - school has begun. My classes seem decent - except for Bio which will be horrid. However, the other classes will be interesting. I'm hoping to do well enough to get into my school of choice. Oh yes - a new list of top 4-year colleges has been made:
1) Keuka College - Early Childhood/Special Education with emphasis on Child and Family studies
2) Utica College - Child Life, Early Childhood Ed.
3) SUNY Oneonta - Child, Family and Community Studies, Early Childhood Ed.
4) SUNY Geneseo - Early Childhood/Special Education
5) Canisius College - Child and Family Studies, Early Childhood Ed.
Keuka College would be perfect. It's smack in the middle of Syracuse and Rochester, so I can go equal distance to see my bests in ROC and my family in Cuse. Also, it isn't only on the lake and near Camp Good Days, it also has exacly what I want. EXACTLY. It still makes me sad that most of my friends will be staying in Rochester, but if the trip from Keuka to Roc is only an hour - it will be worth the trip.
I am very lonely. It's irritating - I want to find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Actually, scratch that. I need HIM to find ME. I'm going to stop trying because when I least expect it, something great may happen. I know that I deserve something great.
You will be missed and always remain loved.
You were a survivor and a fighter - one who will never be forgotten.
A blurb from Erin and my conversation about Camp Good Days after hearing about the death of our fellow CGD volunteer:
gOOdie637 (12:04:11 AM): yeah just like the fact that they had cancer and were touched by the same people at camp makes it all interconnected
jenni jenni 014 (12:04:41 AM): exactly. we're like all connected because someone knew someone who knew someone who was sick. alive or not. i miss that place
gOOdie637 (12:05:42 AM): exactly. me too
So on that note - school has begun. My classes seem decent - except for Bio which will be horrid. However, the other classes will be interesting. I'm hoping to do well enough to get into my school of choice. Oh yes - a new list of top 4-year colleges has been made:
1) Keuka College - Early Childhood/Special Education with emphasis on Child and Family studies
2) Utica College - Child Life, Early Childhood Ed.
3) SUNY Oneonta - Child, Family and Community Studies, Early Childhood Ed.
4) SUNY Geneseo - Early Childhood/Special Education
5) Canisius College - Child and Family Studies, Early Childhood Ed.
Keuka College would be perfect. It's smack in the middle of Syracuse and Rochester, so I can go equal distance to see my bests in ROC and my family in Cuse. Also, it isn't only on the lake and near Camp Good Days, it also has exacly what I want. EXACTLY. It still makes me sad that most of my friends will be staying in Rochester, but if the trip from Keuka to Roc is only an hour - it will be worth the trip.
I am very lonely. It's irritating - I want to find someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Actually, scratch that. I need HIM to find ME. I'm going to stop trying because when I least expect it, something great may happen. I know that I deserve something great.
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