I'm just a blackbird.

I feel trapped. Okay, it's cliche - but it's how I feel. I found out that I will be staying at MCC for probably another year when I thought I would be out this fall with my Associates Degree. I feel like I will never truly know what I want for my future and when I do have it all figured out, something will be missing or out of place. I love this college, there's no doubt about that, but I do not want to be here for more then three years and I worry I will mess something up along the way to make me fall behind.

The newspaper wants me to be editor-in-chief next semester and I somewhat agreed to it today after hearing about my future stay at MCC. I'm still re-thinking my choice - editor-in-chief is a lot of work and I already have my hands full when it comes to the Opinion section. Ideally I want to become lifestyles editor, but editor-in-chief would look much more impressive on a resume. This too is adding more stress to the growing pile.

Men suck. Yes, I said it and I never think twice about that statement. They're all so hypocritical and that is the reason for the female species being afraid to trust them. They say one thing and then turn their back on it. I wish I could find someone - or someone to find me. It isn't that I need to find a man, it's that I want to feel what it is like to be wanted and to be cared about. I forgot what it feels like to be missed and to be treasured. I am starting to believe I may never find the ideal man. In truth, I think there is no such thing.


She walked through the desert - through the sand that barried her toes in dead heat. She crumbled beneath the sun, melting with it's violent and wretched rays. They were pointing at her and at a body that seemed to be pealing along with the rattlesnakes - her skin flaking into the core of the fire beneath her feet.

She fell onto her knees, the sand swimming into her eyes just to find a single drop of water. It rolled down her cheek, digging a crevice into the sand that vanished in an instant. She wanted to dig that hole up and climb into it's depths to curl within it like a blanket never used. She wanted to cover herself with the warm fleece until the night cooled. She would then climb out and sit upon the sand, listening to the silent sound of peace.

The world she knew had forgotten that sound and even at that moment she could barely find a noise that resembled it.