storms that howl.

I don't think I've ever experienced rain like I have during the past two weeks. It hasn't stopped - seriously. I think Mother Nature is playing a trick on us or is just extremely moody. I've pretty much moved into the camp on the lake and when it rains, the wind screams against the camp like what you hear in the movies. It's scary, especially when you're all by yourself. In a wierd way, it's almost poetic. I could sit here all day and just write about the rain and sounds and lake and ducks that I've watched grow during the past month. Now, the ducks that were a couple weeks old, are almost the same size as the mother and the other family of ducklings have grow so much too. I wonder what age it is when the ducks part from their parents and the mother stops following them.

I made a website on one of the rainy, stormy days because I wasn't in the writing or reading mood. I don't know if anyone will look at it, except for me, but I like it. I wish people would comment and tell me what I could do to make it better or what to add. I like it - it's the web version of my life. If you haven't memorized the blog URL, you're probably reading this from www.whoajenni.webs.com. Or, you've just forgotten about me all together. Oh well.

I'm still writing and I've made it to page 50! It's funny how excited I get, after months of writers block, to finally get this far without losing interest. I like the story, I've fallen in love with the characters and the plot inspires me. Isn't that all a writer needs to fall in love?

I went to Kylee's church with her last night and started to cry - as usual. I don't know what it is about being in a church that makes me start to think about my brother and fall apart. Maybe it's because I don't really believe in anything, but if I believed in God I'd be pissed that he took my brother away from me. So, when I'm there and I hear everyone praying - I'm mad because I don't want to follow some God who took Matt away. I know, I know - God or whatever didn't take my brother, the disease did. But why didn't God take me instead when I was sick? Then I wouldn't have to feel this guilt and this sadness. After the session, I realized I need to make some changes. Not changes like becoming a crazy religious person, but changes like living a life I'll be proud of without regrets. I've regretted so much in my past and I want to be proud of the person I am. Therefore, I'm going to change things up a bit.