"Come home - keep me from these sleepless nights."

'But with you by my side
I can do anything
When we swing
We hang past right or wrong.'
Velvet Underground, I'm Sticking With You

I guess it's about that time where I should stop trying. Well, maybe not when it comes to everything - but to certain aspects of my life. I need to stop trying so hard to impress people. I need to stop trying to be someone I know I can't be. I need to stop being paranoid about the unknown. I need to stop pretending like I'm the strong one when really I'm the weakest. I need to start breathing again.

Risperdal and Celexa can't stop me from being who I am. Sure, maybe they alter it slightly, but it can't be that extreme because I haven't changed, I've only calmed down. I've been on them for three years and I still wonder to myself why I am still so nervous. Why I am still anxious and why I continue to look down upon myself. It isn't me, but the environment I bring upon myself. I make certain things happen and because of that I worry.

Here is an excerpt from Margaret Atwood's novel entitled Cat's Eye:
"Time is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of space. If you bend space, you can bend time also, and if you knew enough and could move faster than light you could travel backward in time and exist in two places at once."

My twelth grade creative writing teacher told me years ago to read this novel. I have only begun it, but I already see its beauty. The way Atwood creates imagery to her pages is flawless. She brings the reader into a world where they can picture a scene, a character, a vision clearly and without much thought but the words being brought to the page. I wish I could write like that. Sometimes, I think I can. Lately, I feel like I am still falling apart as a writer. I keep telling myself to keep going, keep going. I just can't get back into the story I have been composing.

I hate being in a rut.