"you've got magic in your fingertips"

Catch up:

1) Wedding this weekend in Plattsburgh
2) MCC August 13th-17th - Monroe Doctrine issue 1 layout
3) NYC w/ Dad and Carly weekend of the 18th
4) Nose/sinus surgery the 20th
5) Yearly check-up on the 22nd @ University
6) Finally get to see Gregory on the 23rd!
7) Possibly Buffalo the weekend of the 25th
8) Fair with camp people
9) RETURN TO MCC on the 2nd (I believe)!

So, now that you all know the rest of my life... yeah. The one thing I'm most excited about is what I have to wait until the end for - school. Isn't it crazy that I am more excited for returning to MCC then the fair? I find that odd. I don't know, maybe it's because I've had a quiet summer - mainly because a) my aquaintances are in Syracuse and b) my friends are in Rochester. That's really that.

I'm not much for words right now. Or lately, to be truthful. I haven't written much lately. I guess I'm having major writers block - a month long of it. I've been cranky lately and I think it's because I haven't been writing. But since I am going to be extra busy this month, I don't know when I will have much time to finish or get close to done with my second book. Oh well, I know I will have time.

It starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile please stay for a while now
just take your time where ever you go
- Bubbly, Colbie Caillat

"You amaze me - Camp Good Days && Special Times"

No one can truly say they understand

When they haven't spent a week

Under the stars

In the rain

Though the heat of the sun

And hand in hand

With people who mean so much

This was my third year being a volunteer at Camp Good Days and Special Times during the Doing A World of Good Week. Even though I spend most of my time being surrounded by people who have been there tripled the time I have, I still feel as if I have been going there for years and years and really, I couldn't imagine feeling any different.

This week was the best week of my life. For some reason, being a counselor during this week felt much different from the years past. I felt secure and alive. I felt that even though people were contantly joking with me and everyone else, that their jokes were only showing me how much they cared. There were many new campers this week and maybe that was what was different. Maybe the fact that my two orginal campers, Amber and Taisey, weren't in my cabin anymore - made my time spent that much different, allowing me to meet new amazing campers and people.

The thing about spending a week with cancer survivors and children still going through treatment, is that it makes you realize how fragile life is. This week, I felt so close to everyone. The campers really confided in me and told me stories about when they were really sick and really feeling low. They told me jokes about the hospital and about the doctors they loved and didn't care for. They told me how lucky they were to be at a place where everyone has something in common - a terrible sickness and a love of life.

Even after the campers went to sleep, the volunteers made jokes about their pasts. Most of us being cancer survivors as well, allowed ourselves to be open with one another about the memories we had when we were near death. We talked about the types of cancer we had and the marks on us that made it real. We joked about how certain kinds can be considered the flu and how some wished they could have been sick during school so they could have had time off. Many people don't really understand, but when you are at Camp - you learn to.

This week at Camp Good Days was my third and most memorable week yet. From getting shaving creamed, water ballooned, dunked, and TP'd to playing games on the playground, cuddling under the stars and joking about our past - one thing is for sure, I could never survive without this place. I could never imagine a world without this camp.

"Because a world without Camp Good Days, isn't really a world at all."

Miss&&Love:

Jasmine, Alyssa 'Jo-Jo,' Ericka, Erin G., Amy, Nick aka Charlie Brown, Ryan, Justin, Chris, Jomo, Mary, Matt, Pete, Rob, Chad, Greg, Erin I., Megan, The Campers and sooooo many more!

"Without love, life is like the seasons without summer"

Today was eventful.
Quite eventful.

It began with me going to see Hairspray with Kylee. I had seen the commercials, the show live and a special on Oprah and just by that - I knew it would be my favorite musical of the summer. I learned a lot from the movie: appearance doesn't mean everything and that your weight doesn't determine the kind of person you are. Sure, we've all known that for decades - but the questions is - do we really believe it? I know I'm going to keep trying to, but it's difficult. It also made me realize how much I miss singing. Part of me wishes I could go back to High School and show everyone what I can do. But I was too afraid then.

Oh, and by the way - I am pretty much in love with Link Larkin, aka Zac Efron. Um, yeah. If anyone wants the key to my heart, pretty much be him. Thanks.

I've been looking at cars with my mom lately and really, it's quite the rush. Me, having my own vehicle - finally. However, it's not for certain yet. I'm in love with a Focus Hatchback but because of our budget, I will probably have a Taurus and that's okay with me. A car is a car is a car. Right?

The Harry Potter final book premiere was at midnight and I went to Borders to cover the story. Sure, I'm a HP fan - but I'm not one to wait for hours in line for the book. I'll buy it at Wegmans the day after. I am also not one to read it all within a few hours. Truthfully, I don't see that as being a true fan and a true reader. I just see that as obsession and competition. If you read a novel too quickly, you don't get enough time to digest the entire plot. At least that's what I think from a writers perspective. You need time to think about the words you are looking over, not just skim them and move on. Maybe that's why it may take me days, weeks or months to finish the final book. But really, who knows. It could take me a day or two - yet I doubt that.

And I have Camp to look forward to next week. And when I get back, if anyone mentions to me any detail from the book - they will get ran over by a hopefully focus hatchback.

A, B, C.

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
- Everything, Michael Buble

Garage Party '07 = amazing.
"No one can pretend to understand, because only family does"

I'm awaiting two three things within the next month:
A) Doing a World of Good I - 22nd - 27th
B) Going to MCC for MD orientation/issue 1 layout
C) GOING BACK TO MCC

I don't know how many days or weeks or whatever until I go back to school but it's becoming too hard to wait. I couldn't sleep last night. I haven't been writing or sending out to agents. I just haven't been myself and I blame the lack of MCCness in my life right now. I need those people. I need to get back to having a schedule. I need to get a job. I need to meet more people. I need to go out with the people I know are my true friends. I miss it all too much and it's so difficult to go an entire summer being somewhere you really can't stand. Sure, I love seeing my mom, dad, sister and the few friends who still care - but it's so much easier to be at a place when you can reinvent yourself and really get a sense of where you are going in life. I'm going to try to get back to my book and sending to agents. I will try to sleep more and work out daily. But really, I'm not promising myself anything. Because it just wont feel right.

"A wizard alone has less magic then I"

Everyone is magic. Corny, I know, but like in the Little Princess how she said that 'all girls are princesses' - I believe that everyone has a magic spell or two brewing inside of them. Whether it is from the mere thought of a past memory or an unforgettable dream - the power within to make that memory become real once again or that dream come true, takes magic. Maybe not the Harry Potter kind of sorcery, but a magic more related to bravery. When someone does something that they have been too afraid to do and makes it real - that's magic.

I feel filled. Filled because I have had a lot of my mind lately. Since returning from my first week this summer at Camp Good Days, I can't stop thinking how exciting the next week will be with the people I me for the first time three years ago. The family Garage Party is this weekend and in truth, that speaks for itself. I need to lose weight and nothing has changed, so that has filled up my thoughts as well. The whole idea of going back to school exites me. I can't wait any longer. I need to be with those people; I need to recreate myself again. I just need to feel at home with myself and even though school is over a month away - I just can't wait any longer.

The past few nights, I've been having frustrating dreams. Dreams I know wont come true, with any amount of magic. That's the one thing about magic: it can't make people fall in or out of love. That's up to the dreamer.

"Hmmm I wanna linger

A little longer

A little longer with you"

-

No one can understand unless you have been there. Unless you have stood in the Ring of Honor with your second family. Unless you have participated in a prank. Unless Tuck-In's are your favorite thing to do before you fall asleep. No one can understand the love that is passed on from heart to heart at a place so pure and real.

-

Camp Good Days and Special Times = Love

USA Alumni '07

Can't wait until Doing a World of Good I
July 22- 27
The Original Crew <3

'some facts are better left in the past'

I learned some spooky facts about my family the other night. I learned that what you see from the outside can't help you predict the burning from within. That's what I learned.

It seems to me that my family is just an ongoing line up of cheating, lying men. That divorce is just something that happens in life - even with my grandparents. I learned that my Pop pop divorced my grandma for another woman. This I never knew and never even imagined. I also learned that my grandmother then overdosed on pills and was sent to a phych ward for two weeks. This, again, I never thought was possible for a woman so strong on the outside.

Maybe this answered a few questions about my life not just in the past, but the present. Maybe this world is just full of untrustworthy and irresponsible men. Maybe, divorce can run in a family - no matter how stupid that sounds. And maybe, depression does too. My grandmother, my father, me. Maybe I am more like my grandmother then I ever believed. And it's truthfully scary to even think about that.

Many don't know the truth about my past, that I somehow found a way to cover up. If I've lived a life with cheating men - how will I ever grow up thinking I can find one who is not like that? How will I be able to trust someone who I fear will fall into the same footprints that the men in my past have? Maybe whatever higher power is up there, is just testing me. Trying to figure out what I can really live through. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll find a man who wont be like the ones I've been surrounded by for years and years.

And my grandmother will be watching, just nodding her head at how much we have both survived.