I never really listened to much of TLC. Maybe Scrubs here and there or Unpretty once and a while. Truthfully, I never knew much about Lisa Lopez and how she had died until the 2 hour long documentary I just watched about her trip to Hondoras. It's 3 am on a Saturday night-Sunday morning and I know I will be waking up in 4 hours - but I need to talk about what I just watched.
Lisa Lopez was infamous and still had her faults. She struggled like any other human being and for me to be able to see that, made me realize I am not really alone and no one is perfect, no matter what photographs or rumors may come to tell. She was an alcoholic. She was abused in a relationship. She was a cutter. She was three different people all in one body and I believe that everyone has a multiple personality from time to time. I, for one, have many.
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Just like her, I have struggled and really who hasn't. Maybe I too should document how I see the world and show everyone what I have been through. Even now, I am falling apart and trying so hard to sew up the ripped frays as I shatter. I've become a perfectionist at sewing. But that isn't the point. By seeing in this documentary that someone like her has some of the same views and emotions as I - made me feel significant because lately, I haven't felt important at all. I need to feel needed. I want to feel loved. I've began to give up on everything that I once believed was true - everything but my writing.
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Lisa loved to sing, to rap, to paint. I love to write - novels, poems, short stories. She did it, why can't I? She struggled through hardships and still did what she loved - shouldn't I be able to do the same? And in reality, shouldn't we all be able to just do what makes us happy? Then why can't we be content.
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