"Popularity killed the kid"

"I've always wondered, though: If everyone elses opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?" -- Nineteen Minutes

Popularity is a bitch. Why do people work so hard to be someone they aren't? Why do the band geeks try so hard to be the party animals? Why do the Party animals try so hard to be the sluts? It all makes no sense and thanks to middle school, no matter how hard everyone tries to ignore it, they will try to become someone they aren't - and sadly, many win.

When I was in elementary school, middle school and high school, i tried so hard to be one of the 'cool kids,' to sit at the table with the girls who talked about their crushes on boys, about their clothing and about truth of dare games. However, when I actually had the chance to sit there and stare at all of their faces - covered in eye shadow and shimmer - i began to realize this wasn't me, this wasn't who I wanted to become. I wanted to talk about fantasy and animals, books and musicals. I wanted to draw pictures and write books during play time instead of playing tag on the playground with the guys. Yet, i still tried to put on an act - to pretend to be somebody totally different. I left my body behind and transformed into someone elses.

Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to realize who you are - especially when you are in the mist of people who changed you.

"There were days when Kay didn’t feel like moving; didn’t feel like lifting a limb or opening an eyelid. There were days when all Kay wanted to do was close here eyes for the rest of the day, just to savor that particular moment, even if it wasn’t so special or unique. At times, she would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling at the little crack in the plaster, fearing that when it rained it would drip onto her cold, curled body as it lay under woolen sheets. Yet, as she stared at the minuscule sliver in the ceiling, she began to see the mark as herself – an imperfection among something so broad and simple. And if the crack in the ceiling ever began to leak, she would fear that her eyes would begin to leak as well, letting out whatever imperfections were stuck hiding inside of her." -- Kay, Untitled Novel

a little fall backwards

Then one day, when I looked in the mirror, I understood. I looked into my own eyes and I hated myself, maybe as much as all of them did.
That was the day I started to believe they might be right." -- Nineteen Minutes

Tonight I realized I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't even know who I am and why I feel the way I do sometimes. Everything is just such a blur right now and I don't know how to clear the fog away.



But everyone falls over their own feet sometimes. It just may take a little bit to stand back up again.

"It's for people like you who keep it turned on"

"You can feel people staring; it's like heat that rises from the pavement during summer, like a poker in the small of your back. You don't have to hear a whisper to know it's about you.
I used to srand in front of the mirror in the bathroom to see what they were staring at. I wanted to know what made their heads turn, what it was about me that was so incredibly different. At first I couldn't tell. I mean, I was just me.
Then one day, when I looked in the mirror, I understood. I looked into my own eyes and I hated myself, maybe as much as all of them did.
That was the day I started to believe they might be right." -- Nineteen Minutes

Today I did absolutely nothing and it felt exceptionally amazing. I woke up, went to IHOP with Kasey and Dana and then read for a couple hours and edited a little bit of Addiction. Truthfully, it was one of the most relaxed feelings I had ever felt - just being able to do whatever the hell I wanted without anything stopping me or coming in my way. I got a chance to feel the way I wish I could feel for the rest of my life - being in the world of pure words and expression. I wish life was that easy. I wish I could just read and write all day. Sadly, life is a little bit tougher then that. You have to make a decision about your life and work for it, even if you have no clue what that decision might be.

I've been in a Moulin Rouge mood for the past two days - listening to their songs as if I am breathing them. The way they sing them just makes me wish my life was as unique and crazy as the way they were living theirs in that film. There was conflict. There was interest. There was love. Love? Sometimes I wish that love was simple - that you could just go window shopping for the perfect person and decide that that was the man you wanted to hold you for the rest of your life. You could choose certain groups - the buisness men, the family men, the funny men, the bad men, the shy men, the quiet men, the goofy men and the perfect man would be when you put the specific catagories together. Mine would be a mix between the funny man, the goofy man and the bad man. Sadly, for some odd reason, I am continuously attracted to bad guys. But love isn't that easy. Like everything else, you have to work for it and sometimes, no matter how hard you work no one finds you in return. I guess that's what I fear - rejection.

Sat on the roof
And I kicked off the moss
Well some of the verses well
They got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
Keep it turned on

So excuse me for forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten
If they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is well I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
-- Moulin Rouge


So on the thought of love, as I was skimming through Addiction, I found the end of a chapter that made me smile - a part when two teenagers realize that the feelings for each other are true. Here's the section of the novel:

"I took her hand and she slowly lifted her head, staring at me with watery eyes. At that moment, I realized how beautiful she was. How truly magnificent she looked even though she was going through the hardest and most difficult time of her young life. A lonely tear slid down her face and before it fell onto her lap, I wiped it away, keeping my hand on her skin. Then, she bent towards me and kissed my lips, hard. I slowly fell over her and gently felt her body under mine, her small, delicate structure. She slid her hands through my hair and I raced mine across her back.

As she kissed me, my body felt as if it were evaporating. As if we were floating into the sky, on a cloud, as lovers. Love. Love? Was I in love with this girl?

Continuing to kiss her, I had that thought on the brink of my mind. I had never felt this way with any long-term girlfriend. What I was feeling was real. What I was feeling was the truth. She was being totally, 100% herself with me at that very moment. She was being the shining star that was never being viewed, like the one described through her prose. And right then, I could see her so well." -- Ian, Addiction

"you're giving me a run for my money"

"Sometimes there are moments in life where everything feels like it is frozen in time – as if the whole world has stopped just because something didn’t feel right or someone looked at you a certain way that didn’t feel safe. Maybe the whole world felt like it was running in slow motion, one foot feeling as heavy as the ground hidden beneath it’s feet. Yet, when moments are so crystallized, it only takes a little bit of heat from within a perplexed and irritated mind to break the barrier and when the frozen moment scatters, it takes a second for a million more frightening and unexplainable questions to come to mind – making you wonder why time was frozen in the first place. "
-- Untitled Novel, Jennifer Graham

I'm scared of this world we have all become so accustomed to thriving within. I'm afraid of the people who look at me out of the corner of their eye and smile an eerie grin and the people who walk in the hallways at quick speeds, looking down at the ground from behind thick glasses. Isn't it sad that this world has become one we are all afraid of because of the war, 9/11, Columbine and Virginia Tech. I never know when to feel safe anymore. I always feel threatened, like someone is out to get me for some reason blind to my eyes. As i was reading Nineteen Minutes tonight, the one who conducted the shooting at the school started to explain some of the thoughts behind his act. As I read this statement, i began to think:

"Everyone talks like it is all right to be different, but America is supposed to be this melting pot, and what the hell does that mean? If it's a melting pot then you're just really trying to make everyone the same, aren't you?" -- Peter, Nineteen Minutes

When did it occur to everyone that it's not really okay to be different and that we should fear those who are? Sadly, we do look at those who don't shop at Abercrombie and Hollister as individuals who are either 'uncool' or 'weird.' Isn's it sad that this has become what's ruling society? High school never ends - the whole world has turned into a damn popularity contest that no one can ever really win.

Maybe that's why I'm afraid to love? I'm afraid because in the end something will be wrong or something will go wrong. I fear trust because every ounce of trust I ever owned has been shattered. From my ex boyfriend cheating on me, to my father cheating on my mother, to everyone around me lieing non-stop - it's just impossible for me to trust anybody now a days. And sadly, it's true. I want to fall in love so badly, but part of me is holding back and telling myself that I shouldn't even try because 95% of the time, love finds a way to cheating its way out of love itself.

Here's the end of the chapter I just wrote in my new novel concerning the concept of trust and how society has just learned to fear it:

"As Delia’s mind went racing through different scenarios that could be happening instead of the one that Roger had handed to her, she stopped herself and closed her eyes, rushing her fingers back to her temples yet again. As she created an overall silence inside of her mind for the first time in hours, she opened her eyes up again and pushed out a somewhat cheesy grin.
“Sure,” she said blankly, trying not to be the jealous and sneaky wife she had always told herself not to be. Roger bent towards her and kissed her romantically on the cheek and then headed towards the door. Before he exited her office, he turned to look at her one last time before leaving for the night.
“I love you,” he said, smiling with lips tight. Delia nodded her head and thought to herself, ‘you better.’ As he closed the door behind him, the lights seemed to dim even without anyone touching a switch. Delia turned to face her computer and then her face fell into her hands and for the first time all day and the seventh time all week, she began to cry. " -- Untitled Novel

"so keep things quiet until the rest of the street falls asleep"

I’ve got some problems
but we’ve got ten dollars
That’s enough to get us wasted before the night is over
These past five days I’ve been completely sober
But tonight I’m getting ripped wide open
-- Dave Melillo, Knights of the Island Counter

This song made me pretty much cry on the way home from Alfred State today. As we drove in Dana's rumbling car, i played this song again and again and again. As the wind brushed my face, for some reason tears came to my eyes. Maybe it was because the past weekend had been one that i wasn't accustomed to or maybe, just maybe, it was something else.

I guess when you have been single for three years, it's good to feel wanted. Maybe it isn't even wanted, but 'payed attention to' or 'noticed.' This weekend, i felt like i actually had that. It was different - holding hands with someone, kissing someone in public, being brought places and shown new things. That's the kind of feeling I have been missing for a while and on the way home today, listening to that song it all hit me and made me realize how bad i want something like that to be 100% real, not just 50%. I miss the feeling of someone being around me because they wanted me there, not because i had to be. Maybe this is all a misconception or how I'm feeling and seeing this weekend is just me being over dramatic, but all in all i realized something - i need someone and i need it to feel real.

Maybe love is like seeing those fish swimming in a fish bowl. Inside it looks perfect - happiness, contentment and satisfaction. But still, there are always people staring into the miniscule world behind the glass, constantly judging and creating false tales. At times, i believe that i had been in love once, but love can't be the beliefs behind an 8th graders eyes; it just can't be. I guess it must be stronger, it must be better. Love, to me, is constant empathy and constant realization that this has to be the best life can get. Love isn't always wondering 'what if' or thinking to yourself 'is he cheating' or 'does he love me?' Love is when you know that how you are feeling is true. Love makes your stomach turn every morning because you can't wait to start the day off with that one person. I wish I really knew what love felt like. I hope that someday, I do.

"writers are born, not made"

I was skimming through an interview a reporter was giving to Jodi Picoult and came upon an answer to a question which totally made my night. When I read this, I couldn't help but smile and even laughed to myself a little. This was the question and answer:

I think I'm a writer, but how do I know for sure?
Oh, you'd know it. Real writers can't sleep because there are stories batting around inside their heads. Real writers create characters they weep over, because they are so real. Real writers can't NOT write. I think you can make a person a better writer technically by having him/her attend workshops and creative writing programs… but I think that at the basal level, writers are born, not made.

I'm a writer. The last few days I had been losing hope, puzzled about what I am going to do for the rest of my life. Today I went to the Career Center and looked through books concerning english and communication majors and still, i remained helpless. However, after listening to a podcast about writing, which is available on Jodi's sight, and reading her interview and this passage, i am certain now what i must do - write. Whether it is becoming a creative writing specialist or doing my dream job - becoming an author, one thing is for certain, i can't stop. When I was writing addiction, i cried at the end. When I was writing Addiction, I would stay up late nights, unable to sleep because I was becoming a part of the novel. Whether or not i ever get any of my pieces published, one this is for sure - I can't stop. Because really, I can't help it.

It goes to show that people can change. Not even that, but you change as well without anyone even noticing. I'm happier these days. I'm happier then I have been for a long time. Writing has saved my life and when I say that, I say it and mean it literally. During the two last and most dreadful years of high school, i was somebody i can't even recognize anymore. Yet, when it came to sitting in front of my computer and creating a whole world of fiction only i knew about made me feel like a different being. Addiction saved my life and thanks to that, i'm going to find a way to have teenagers read it. It's a dream, so why not make it come true?

sour stomachs and fried minds

"And sometimes the air feels rough
At times the road may turn
Yet as you roll through life
You can't help but learn
Because the air you breathe
Can only taste sweet
If you turn on that road
And stay on your feet
Yet one thing is for sure
The road will be rough
No matter where you are
But you must live
Yes, you must live"

Sometimes I wish that life was simpler. I wish that I could forget about school - learning about topics like math and history wont help me get any further. I wish I could have my own small house with an office and a nice computer and support myself by writing books and traveling the world. I could tutor english students for a side job and just relax. But life isn't that fair. You have to work for what you want. I have to keep on searching for agents because one isn't going to knock on my door and say 'sure I'll find you a publisher!' I have to take the math classes and history courses because that's the only way I'll get to the classes I want to take. Still, if only life was fair. No body would have weapons because no body would judge. No body would attack schools because they wouldn't have enemies. Wars wouldn't occur because no one would argue. But, that's just not how it is. Life was created with turns in the road just so everyone could choose either the right road or the wrong.

Sara brought up a good point today which caught my attention. She said that if we all remain friends with the people in our high school cliques that life will never be anything but how it was in high school - judgement and a popularity contest. I don't talk to many people from high school, maybe because i was always so different from all of them in the first place. Sure i had some of the same interests, but most of the time they hated me for the things i did that were different then them. In college, i have met some people that i can call my good friends. I have never had many good friends, but now i feel like most of the time i am surrounded by people who actually care and that i can relate to. I'm glad I'm moving on from high school. It's about time.

Jodi Picoult emailed be back yesterday and said that many those who read her novel Nineteen Minutes will just take the issue of school shootings to a more serious level. It will make people even more aware of the fact that this could happen to anybody at any school at any time. Once I finish her novel, I will have a clearer view into the eye of the person behind the gun and why they think the way they do. But really, no one knows what is going on in those people's frazzled minds. And no one ever will.

"it sure will be hard to sleep tonight"

Isn't it sad that something like this would happen again? The shooting at Virginia Tech in now known as the biggest mass shooting in US History. Who has the guts to do something so horrid like this? Who would even think about doing something so evil and selfish?

The thoughts keep going through my mind - what if this happens to MCC? Sure, it most likely wont, but who knows, really? The kids at Columbine didn't think it would happen to them and look... it did. So really, who knows what may happen tomorrow or this weekend or next month. Something has to be done to people who seem extremely mentally unstable. Not the people who depression or bipolar disorder, but the scapegoats and the lost children - the people who seem innocent but may be schitophrenic or have a personality disorder. It's them who we need to pay more attention to.

-

I emailed Jodi Picoult today. I find it ironic that i am currently reading her most recent book Nineteen Minutes which has to do with a school shooting. I asked her if she finds this odd that her book just came out and that this happened. I also asked if this will change the way people view her book or the way she does. Now i want to finish it and see what the shooter was thinking. It's frightening.

-

There is an exerpt from her novel that i have bent the top page over onto for a week now. This is it:

"Nobody wants to admit this, but bad things will keep on happening. Maybe that's because it's all a chain and a long time ago someone did the first bad thing and that just led someone to do another bad thing and so on. You know, like that little game where you whisper a sentence into someone's ear and that person whispers it to someone else and it all comes out wrong in the end.

But then again, maybe bad things happen because it's the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like." - Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

-

It's so ironic and so, so true. We all forget what good looks like because it keeps on getting covered up by the bad. Is it so hard to be good? Good meaning caring and helpful, kind and respectful.

-

I am writing an essay for a contest I will try out, nothing i am looking to win, but something just to try and expand my horizons. I read it over earlier and found a statement concerning the shooting as well as finding a sense of home:

"Whether it is finding serenity from using words to express true emotions or surviving something so horrid and unexplainable that it would take years to just prove a parents fear, home isn’t what the eyes are capable of viewing, it’s what the heart is capable of believing and in the end, isn’t that what a home should really be?" - When Home is Hard to Find

-

Why is it so hard to find a sense of homeostasis and comfort? What happened to the good of society? It sure will be hard to sleep tonight thinking that this whole world has gone wild. And when i say wild, i mean insane and crazy... not in a good way.

-

- Jennifer

"call me a rolling stone, because I'm always on the road"

So Myrtle Beach was fun. I will never ever again travel 13 hours with 7 ppl in a van. On the way home it was only 6 of us, but there was a backup in Penn. and we were in the car fo 18 hours... yea. HOWEVER! The weather was warm, I went to Club Kryptonite w/ Calla, Kasey, Julie, Stevie, Kiefer and other people fromm MCC the first night which was great, i laid outside and got burnt for hours, ate a lot, drank coronas and all the best. I love my family. I loved spending time with them and watching them just have fun. I miss them, a lot.

So now I'm back @ MCC and I'm exhasted and stressed already. I'm not sure what's due for Journalism and COM 101 tuesday and I'm freakin a little bout it . I need to calm down and take a deep breath and realize that I will get it done, whether or not it's last minute or days before. I'm going to be closing myself in my room every night for the rest of the semester just to finish this semester off somewhat strongly. I will try to stray away from damn drama as best as i can. I'm sick of it. I hate it so much.

So i finished the first three chapters of my new novel over break. I would bring my laptop out onto the porch and write. It was very relaxing. It's hard to look at a new piece of work and see at as better or just as good as the last piece you wrote. I keep comparing this new book to Addiction and it just doesn't allign. But I'm a strong writer, it sounds good so far. I will just keep trying and writing. It's what I love.

What has been on my mind:
- I NEED to lose weight. I can't stand this.
- Finshing off this semester strong would make my life.
- I've been reading Jodi Picoult's new book Nineteen Minutes - spectacular so far. I wish i could write like her.
- My room is messy... yup.
- I love and miss my mommy
- I'm freezing then im sweating, then freezing... damn burns
- I don't care what ppl say, i love my freckles!


Yuppers, outie.


- Jenniiiii

"summertime in the spring is the only way to survive"

Right now the house is tense... right before we are leaving for Myrtle. We are all flipping out about damn tan flip-flops. Do you know any other household that screams at each other because of shoes? Yeah. Carly's pretty much owning the entire house, nothing new about that. Calla is on her way to bring us to get our nails done and go tanning. Thank god, I need to relax.

Gregory came over for the night last night. We went to see Blades of Glory w/ Calla and Jenny and it was a wicked funny movie. After the movie, we were alone in the mall except for a damn cop. Fuck cops. It was weird, being at a closed down mall at midnight. It was kind of fun. Then we watched a little bit of King Kong, which is soooo scary, then went to 'sleep.' Yup, I'm glad he came up.

Now we are heading to Myrtle Beach with my family until Sunday. I still have mass homework to do, but you know, I'll do it last minute. Great. Anyways, that's all for today because I am in a rush right now to get stuff done. I'll update when I get back. Peace, yo.

- Jenni Benni

"Dressed in poetry"

Today, I went to church. Wow, you don't see that statement very often, do you? I realized why I really don't believe in any religion at all - nothing fits. Why are there no stories of Jesus when he was a teenager? Mary was smart to think of the saying 'i am having a kid and i never had sex.' Even though, wouldn't she have missed half the fun of having a kid in the first place? Where is Jesus's body, because he def didn't die then come back to life - that is just not possible. Also, if we saw someone who looked like Jesus today, we would call him a pothead. No joke, you all can kill me for saying this, but look at him. This skinny, long haired, shaggy faced man who decided to die for everyone on a cross... he had to be on acid or something.

Last night, a bunch of my family members broke into my aunts house to watch movies in her wicked nice sun room. We watched The Holiday and it was a realllllly good movie! I def recomend it to you all! We all got hyper, started drinking Bailey's and calling up everyone who is already in Myrtle, saying they are missing out on the real party lol. I love my family.

Tonight was fun. Ed, Calla, Tessa and Jenny were over and we went on a Wal-Mart trip to get some things for Myrtle. I love being around them because I can be crazy no matter what, i can just be myself. Sometimes, at school, the only time i can be myself is when I'm drunk... and that's just wrong. Besides, i guess i am just 'too much to handle' sometimes.

Why do people say things that they know will hurt someone in return? Whether it is through text messaging or face to face - don't people think before they talk anymore? Sure, we all say things we regret sometimes, but why don't people appologize afterwards just to say they were being to drastic and harsh? I don't get it... this world is just messed up.

Things that are on my mind:
- I just want to go to Myrtle! The trip will be crazy - in a car with Calla, Brynn, Tessa, Carbo and mama for 12 hours. Wow.
- Greg is coming up to visit me! Yea... he's traveling 3 hours to chill. Impressive.
- Matt from camp called me tonight! It was so great to talk to him for the few minutes we did! I miss camp like crazy.
- I just did my family tree/ genogram and realized that my kids will probably be drinkers, smokers, depressed, have asthma, and be boys while my grandchildren will most likey have the sickle cell trait and cancer. Wow... that kinda sucks.
- I'm fat. the end.


Okee Dokee. out, yo.


JenniGraham

"lets just let it roll"

I'm a very stupid girl. I embaress myself without even trying to, constantly, all the time. Last night, i must have done something to piss everyone around me off. Sure give it i was drunk, but still that doesn't give anyone the right to be 100% mad at me. I may be obnoxious and hard to deal with, but it just frustrates me because I am not a real mean individual. I hate talking about people behind their backs, but that's just how society is - people talk about each other. Read my articles on Drama and Confrontation and you'll see what i mean. I try so hard to be nice and neutral but i guess i'm not trying hard enough.

So I'm sitting in my dining room in Syracuse, getting ready to go to sleep because i am leaving soooo early to head to Plattsburgh for one night for Easter. I'm glad I'm away from the MCC drama for a week. Nate, my like really good guy friend @ school, is pissed at me... i think. Dana, my once-i-thought-was-my-best-friend-and-wish-she-still-was, is probably pissed at me as well, i think the guys next door hate me, i think my roomates hate me and blah, blah, blah... i thought the meds ive been taking for the past 2 years were supposed to help lift my confidence level. i guess that's something i have to work on by myself.

So diets suck... im still fat (my bad, bigger then ever before in my life). I've gained 35 pounds this year and my body isn't supposed to be the weight i am at currently. I've tried eating better, doing pilates and not eating passed 8pm... nothing. People can say i look fine but i wont believe them. I dont know how people can friggin be attracted to someone who looks the way i do. it's not really fun. I better look somewhat decent when i'm in Myrtle next week... i'm so embaressed.

ANYWAY! Things that have been on my mind:
- I love calla and jenny... like i've said before. I wish i could be more like them
- My cat is the only thing that likes me no matter what and never talks behind my back. well, who knows really...
- music + writing = survival
- 3 months since last relapse
- i miss people like kylee, amber, meghan, ed, mr. b and my siblings. i need them.
- i want someone to like me for who i am. but i guess doesn't everyone want that?
- i'm probably gunna fail this semester... well at least two of my most crucial classes.
- my bracelet just broke and im pissed
- i've been listening to musicals lately and am sort of beginning to miss my good ol' musical days... aka middle school and yes, it does count. High School sucked.


Ok... I'm out. leave comments, yo. i like reading stuff even if it's mean. w/e, im used to it.


- Jenniferrrrr

"And what's a crush to do"

So I've been rather stressed lately. I mean, hasn't everyone? This semester has been one of the most difficult and busy semesters I have ever had to do deal with (well... it's only my second one but still...). From dificult classes to working on the newspaper to working at daycare to dealing with family and pioneer hall drama... i'm pretty much a mess. Sure, i am in love with writing for the newspaper so i would never give that up... but everything else is killing me. Journalism is the one class stressing me the frick out. Shouldn't I be liking this class the best? I don't write news. That's that. I'm creative and i like opinion and lifestyles... NOT news! Plus my teacher hates me. Oh well, I'm gunna fail no matter how hard I push myself.

Boys piss me off. They really do. One minute you think one likes you and then 2 seconds later BAM they don't want anything to do with you. Why do guys have to be so complicated? I think they got friggin PMS... just it's 24/7. Or maybe they're all just born bipolar. That would kinda suck. Besides, that's not the point. I guess i kinda just want someone to show that they like me for me. I haven't been in a true relationship for 2 1/2 years and it's time i found someone who really cared. But i guess i can't find them, they'll have to find me.

I've started another novel. Yup, I have. I like it, i think it will be good even though i'm only on page like 10. I still reallllllly wanna get a friggin agent for Addiction. That would be the most outstanding moment ever - recieving a letter from an agent that says 'we would love to work with you.' No one really understands how much that would mean to me. I deserve something good to happen.

So here are some things on my mind from the past few days:
- Girls = DRAMA
- Diets are so stupid... i've been trying so hard to eat healthy and i don't think I'm losing any weight. fuck it, w/e.
- Something is wrong with my eyes. It's either pink eye or an eye infection or my perscription has changed
- I talked to Greg on the phone last night when he was drunk and it made my crazy, fucked up night. He's a good guy
- I miss going to NYC w/ Katy, Billy, Brett, Ryan and Peter. It was wickeddddd fun and i wish i could go back and re-live it all... haha yea
- I love being tan... even if it's from a cancer bed
- I friggin love Calla and Jenny. They make my boring lil life a crazy friggin adventure
- NEVER do a power hour with wine... ask sara, it's not fun.


Ok... since i just wrote wayyyy too much cuz i have no life, I'm gunna go. I'll prolly keep updating this thing just cuz i wanna. yup, out.



-Jennnnnnni

Another Beginning

I used to write in an online journal and usually I get pretty bored of them. But there's nothing like a new beginning, correct? At least I can try.

I put a lot of my articles on a new xanga page so you all should def check those out! My all time favorite is the very last one about cheating in relationships! It's great. I'm so against cheating in any form so it's def something worth checking out. I'll keep updating stuff on this but for now, I'm just going to keep this at this. I'll probably write more tonight cuz i have no life. Yup, out!

Jenniferrrrr