"It's for people like you who keep it turned on"

"You can feel people staring; it's like heat that rises from the pavement during summer, like a poker in the small of your back. You don't have to hear a whisper to know it's about you.
I used to srand in front of the mirror in the bathroom to see what they were staring at. I wanted to know what made their heads turn, what it was about me that was so incredibly different. At first I couldn't tell. I mean, I was just me.
Then one day, when I looked in the mirror, I understood. I looked into my own eyes and I hated myself, maybe as much as all of them did.
That was the day I started to believe they might be right." -- Nineteen Minutes

Today I did absolutely nothing and it felt exceptionally amazing. I woke up, went to IHOP with Kasey and Dana and then read for a couple hours and edited a little bit of Addiction. Truthfully, it was one of the most relaxed feelings I had ever felt - just being able to do whatever the hell I wanted without anything stopping me or coming in my way. I got a chance to feel the way I wish I could feel for the rest of my life - being in the world of pure words and expression. I wish life was that easy. I wish I could just read and write all day. Sadly, life is a little bit tougher then that. You have to make a decision about your life and work for it, even if you have no clue what that decision might be.

I've been in a Moulin Rouge mood for the past two days - listening to their songs as if I am breathing them. The way they sing them just makes me wish my life was as unique and crazy as the way they were living theirs in that film. There was conflict. There was interest. There was love. Love? Sometimes I wish that love was simple - that you could just go window shopping for the perfect person and decide that that was the man you wanted to hold you for the rest of your life. You could choose certain groups - the buisness men, the family men, the funny men, the bad men, the shy men, the quiet men, the goofy men and the perfect man would be when you put the specific catagories together. Mine would be a mix between the funny man, the goofy man and the bad man. Sadly, for some odd reason, I am continuously attracted to bad guys. But love isn't that easy. Like everything else, you have to work for it and sometimes, no matter how hard you work no one finds you in return. I guess that's what I fear - rejection.

Sat on the roof
And I kicked off the moss
Well some of the verses well
They got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
Keep it turned on

So excuse me for forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten
If they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is well I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
-- Moulin Rouge


So on the thought of love, as I was skimming through Addiction, I found the end of a chapter that made me smile - a part when two teenagers realize that the feelings for each other are true. Here's the section of the novel:

"I took her hand and she slowly lifted her head, staring at me with watery eyes. At that moment, I realized how beautiful she was. How truly magnificent she looked even though she was going through the hardest and most difficult time of her young life. A lonely tear slid down her face and before it fell onto her lap, I wiped it away, keeping my hand on her skin. Then, she bent towards me and kissed my lips, hard. I slowly fell over her and gently felt her body under mine, her small, delicate structure. She slid her hands through my hair and I raced mine across her back.

As she kissed me, my body felt as if it were evaporating. As if we were floating into the sky, on a cloud, as lovers. Love. Love? Was I in love with this girl?

Continuing to kiss her, I had that thought on the brink of my mind. I had never felt this way with any long-term girlfriend. What I was feeling was real. What I was feeling was the truth. She was being totally, 100% herself with me at that very moment. She was being the shining star that was never being viewed, like the one described through her prose. And right then, I could see her so well." -- Ian, Addiction