"lets just let it roll"

I'm a very stupid girl. I embaress myself without even trying to, constantly, all the time. Last night, i must have done something to piss everyone around me off. Sure give it i was drunk, but still that doesn't give anyone the right to be 100% mad at me. I may be obnoxious and hard to deal with, but it just frustrates me because I am not a real mean individual. I hate talking about people behind their backs, but that's just how society is - people talk about each other. Read my articles on Drama and Confrontation and you'll see what i mean. I try so hard to be nice and neutral but i guess i'm not trying hard enough.

So I'm sitting in my dining room in Syracuse, getting ready to go to sleep because i am leaving soooo early to head to Plattsburgh for one night for Easter. I'm glad I'm away from the MCC drama for a week. Nate, my like really good guy friend @ school, is pissed at me... i think. Dana, my once-i-thought-was-my-best-friend-and-wish-she-still-was, is probably pissed at me as well, i think the guys next door hate me, i think my roomates hate me and blah, blah, blah... i thought the meds ive been taking for the past 2 years were supposed to help lift my confidence level. i guess that's something i have to work on by myself.

So diets suck... im still fat (my bad, bigger then ever before in my life). I've gained 35 pounds this year and my body isn't supposed to be the weight i am at currently. I've tried eating better, doing pilates and not eating passed 8pm... nothing. People can say i look fine but i wont believe them. I dont know how people can friggin be attracted to someone who looks the way i do. it's not really fun. I better look somewhat decent when i'm in Myrtle next week... i'm so embaressed.

ANYWAY! Things that have been on my mind:
- I love calla and jenny... like i've said before. I wish i could be more like them
- My cat is the only thing that likes me no matter what and never talks behind my back. well, who knows really...
- music + writing = survival
- 3 months since last relapse
- i miss people like kylee, amber, meghan, ed, mr. b and my siblings. i need them.
- i want someone to like me for who i am. but i guess doesn't everyone want that?
- i'm probably gunna fail this semester... well at least two of my most crucial classes.
- my bracelet just broke and im pissed
- i've been listening to musicals lately and am sort of beginning to miss my good ol' musical days... aka middle school and yes, it does count. High School sucked.


Ok... I'm out. leave comments, yo. i like reading stuff even if it's mean. w/e, im used to it.


- Jenniferrrrr