"Sometimes there are moments in life where everything feels like it is frozen in time – as if the whole world has stopped just because something didn’t feel right or someone looked at you a certain way that didn’t feel safe. Maybe the whole world felt like it was running in slow motion, one foot feeling as heavy as the ground hidden beneath it’s feet. Yet, when moments are so crystallized, it only takes a little bit of heat from within a perplexed and irritated mind to break the barrier and when the frozen moment scatters, it takes a second for a million more frightening and unexplainable questions to come to mind – making you wonder why time was frozen in the first place. "
-- Untitled Novel, Jennifer Graham
I'm scared of this world we have all become so accustomed to thriving within. I'm afraid of the people who look at me out of the corner of their eye and smile an eerie grin and the people who walk in the hallways at quick speeds, looking down at the ground from behind thick glasses. Isn't it sad that this world has become one we are all afraid of because of the war, 9/11, Columbine and Virginia Tech. I never know when to feel safe anymore. I always feel threatened, like someone is out to get me for some reason blind to my eyes. As i was reading Nineteen Minutes tonight, the one who conducted the shooting at the school started to explain some of the thoughts behind his act. As I read this statement, i began to think:
"Everyone talks like it is all right to be different, but America is supposed to be this melting pot, and what the hell does that mean? If it's a melting pot then you're just really trying to make everyone the same, aren't you?" -- Peter, Nineteen Minutes
When did it occur to everyone that it's not really okay to be different and that we should fear those who are? Sadly, we do look at those who don't shop at Abercrombie and Hollister as individuals who are either 'uncool' or 'weird.' Isn's it sad that this has become what's ruling society? High school never ends - the whole world has turned into a damn popularity contest that no one can ever really win.
Maybe that's why I'm afraid to love? I'm afraid because in the end something will be wrong or something will go wrong. I fear trust because every ounce of trust I ever owned has been shattered. From my ex boyfriend cheating on me, to my father cheating on my mother, to everyone around me lieing non-stop - it's just impossible for me to trust anybody now a days. And sadly, it's true. I want to fall in love so badly, but part of me is holding back and telling myself that I shouldn't even try because 95% of the time, love finds a way to cheating its way out of love itself.
Here's the end of the chapter I just wrote in my new novel concerning the concept of trust and how society has just learned to fear it:
"As Delia’s mind went racing through different scenarios that could be happening instead of the one that Roger had handed to her, she stopped herself and closed her eyes, rushing her fingers back to her temples yet again. As she created an overall silence inside of her mind for the first time in hours, she opened her eyes up again and pushed out a somewhat cheesy grin.
“Sure,” she said blankly, trying not to be the jealous and sneaky wife she had always told herself not to be. Roger bent towards her and kissed her romantically on the cheek and then headed towards the door. Before he exited her office, he turned to look at her one last time before leaving for the night.
“I love you,” he said, smiling with lips tight. Delia nodded her head and thought to herself, ‘you better.’ As he closed the door behind him, the lights seemed to dim even without anyone touching a switch. Delia turned to face her computer and then her face fell into her hands and for the first time all day and the seventh time all week, she began to cry. " -- Untitled Novel
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