"so keep things quiet until the rest of the street falls asleep"

I’ve got some problems
but we’ve got ten dollars
That’s enough to get us wasted before the night is over
These past five days I’ve been completely sober
But tonight I’m getting ripped wide open
-- Dave Melillo, Knights of the Island Counter

This song made me pretty much cry on the way home from Alfred State today. As we drove in Dana's rumbling car, i played this song again and again and again. As the wind brushed my face, for some reason tears came to my eyes. Maybe it was because the past weekend had been one that i wasn't accustomed to or maybe, just maybe, it was something else.

I guess when you have been single for three years, it's good to feel wanted. Maybe it isn't even wanted, but 'payed attention to' or 'noticed.' This weekend, i felt like i actually had that. It was different - holding hands with someone, kissing someone in public, being brought places and shown new things. That's the kind of feeling I have been missing for a while and on the way home today, listening to that song it all hit me and made me realize how bad i want something like that to be 100% real, not just 50%. I miss the feeling of someone being around me because they wanted me there, not because i had to be. Maybe this is all a misconception or how I'm feeling and seeing this weekend is just me being over dramatic, but all in all i realized something - i need someone and i need it to feel real.

Maybe love is like seeing those fish swimming in a fish bowl. Inside it looks perfect - happiness, contentment and satisfaction. But still, there are always people staring into the miniscule world behind the glass, constantly judging and creating false tales. At times, i believe that i had been in love once, but love can't be the beliefs behind an 8th graders eyes; it just can't be. I guess it must be stronger, it must be better. Love, to me, is constant empathy and constant realization that this has to be the best life can get. Love isn't always wondering 'what if' or thinking to yourself 'is he cheating' or 'does he love me?' Love is when you know that how you are feeling is true. Love makes your stomach turn every morning because you can't wait to start the day off with that one person. I wish I really knew what love felt like. I hope that someday, I do.