sour stomachs and fried minds

"And sometimes the air feels rough
At times the road may turn
Yet as you roll through life
You can't help but learn
Because the air you breathe
Can only taste sweet
If you turn on that road
And stay on your feet
Yet one thing is for sure
The road will be rough
No matter where you are
But you must live
Yes, you must live"

Sometimes I wish that life was simpler. I wish that I could forget about school - learning about topics like math and history wont help me get any further. I wish I could have my own small house with an office and a nice computer and support myself by writing books and traveling the world. I could tutor english students for a side job and just relax. But life isn't that fair. You have to work for what you want. I have to keep on searching for agents because one isn't going to knock on my door and say 'sure I'll find you a publisher!' I have to take the math classes and history courses because that's the only way I'll get to the classes I want to take. Still, if only life was fair. No body would have weapons because no body would judge. No body would attack schools because they wouldn't have enemies. Wars wouldn't occur because no one would argue. But, that's just not how it is. Life was created with turns in the road just so everyone could choose either the right road or the wrong.

Sara brought up a good point today which caught my attention. She said that if we all remain friends with the people in our high school cliques that life will never be anything but how it was in high school - judgement and a popularity contest. I don't talk to many people from high school, maybe because i was always so different from all of them in the first place. Sure i had some of the same interests, but most of the time they hated me for the things i did that were different then them. In college, i have met some people that i can call my good friends. I have never had many good friends, but now i feel like most of the time i am surrounded by people who actually care and that i can relate to. I'm glad I'm moving on from high school. It's about time.

Jodi Picoult emailed be back yesterday and said that many those who read her novel Nineteen Minutes will just take the issue of school shootings to a more serious level. It will make people even more aware of the fact that this could happen to anybody at any school at any time. Once I finish her novel, I will have a clearer view into the eye of the person behind the gun and why they think the way they do. But really, no one knows what is going on in those people's frazzled minds. And no one ever will.