"Popularity killed the kid"

"I've always wondered, though: If everyone elses opinion is what matters, then do you ever really have one of your own?" -- Nineteen Minutes

Popularity is a bitch. Why do people work so hard to be someone they aren't? Why do the band geeks try so hard to be the party animals? Why do the Party animals try so hard to be the sluts? It all makes no sense and thanks to middle school, no matter how hard everyone tries to ignore it, they will try to become someone they aren't - and sadly, many win.

When I was in elementary school, middle school and high school, i tried so hard to be one of the 'cool kids,' to sit at the table with the girls who talked about their crushes on boys, about their clothing and about truth of dare games. However, when I actually had the chance to sit there and stare at all of their faces - covered in eye shadow and shimmer - i began to realize this wasn't me, this wasn't who I wanted to become. I wanted to talk about fantasy and animals, books and musicals. I wanted to draw pictures and write books during play time instead of playing tag on the playground with the guys. Yet, i still tried to put on an act - to pretend to be somebody totally different. I left my body behind and transformed into someone elses.

Sometimes, it takes a lifetime to realize who you are - especially when you are in the mist of people who changed you.

"There were days when Kay didn’t feel like moving; didn’t feel like lifting a limb or opening an eyelid. There were days when all Kay wanted to do was close here eyes for the rest of the day, just to savor that particular moment, even if it wasn’t so special or unique. At times, she would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling at the little crack in the plaster, fearing that when it rained it would drip onto her cold, curled body as it lay under woolen sheets. Yet, as she stared at the minuscule sliver in the ceiling, she began to see the mark as herself – an imperfection among something so broad and simple. And if the crack in the ceiling ever began to leak, she would fear that her eyes would begin to leak as well, letting out whatever imperfections were stuck hiding inside of her." -- Kay, Untitled Novel